Winds of Change

The best and worst thing about life is that it keeps on changing. It is very true in my case. The last few changes in my life have been so erratic that I have lost my life in between them. My personal life has been a bit rough for the past 15 months since I left my home town. Setting up a new home in a new city twice with my family and managing all the stuff related to daily house life on my own were not easy tasks for me to do in the first instance. Including this with the financial hardships which I had to come across during this segment was very frustrating. And the wonderful people I came across during this phase were "sonay pe suhaga". I wasn't able to attend my friends' weddings. I was absent from family gatherings. My sister came from the UK, and I couldn't spend enough time with her. My parents, siblings, and relatives miss us, especially my nephew. I had to leave my health club.

In some parts of my heart, there is a regret that I shouldn't have said yes to this change. My life would have been the same as it was before. Even though it might be a little bit rough then, it would still be more carefree and enjoyable. I would be close to my parents, siblings, friends, and my city. But anyway, it seems like it might not be possible for me now to go back.

I know one thing for sure; I won’t be able to live like this for long. A new change is already knocking on the door, but I am reluctant to open this door. There are ifs and buts which are occupying my mind and are not letting me open it. My confidence in adapting to new changes has been a bit shaken. The change that is coming is again a life-changing change, and this time it will affect the lives of me and my family more severely than the previous change.

Even though it’s been a rough ride till now, I believe that I have and will be able to manage to achieve equal or more than that from these rough times.

Recently, I read a quote which made me think positively about changes. It says:

"You always grow in difficult times. Your life may change, it may never be the same, but you will learn more about yourself than at any other time in your life. "

I read this after many years and the last few sentences made me relate to the Interstellar scene when Cooper says to his past self to not go. He tries to make him stay. So many years have passed and when I look back, I want my past self to stay.

Amateurish

After a long time, I feel like writing something. But I don’t have anything specific in my mind right now. I think I have lost my ability to express myself in writing, which I shouldn’t have. I would try to re-develop it. So, for this time, do pardon me if I sound amateurish.

This time, I'll just go at random and write down whatever comes to mind and heart right now.Let me start with today. Today I had a hectic morning. I woke up at 4:00 am, packed my stuff, changed clothes, and left. I had a quick breakfast and took out my car. I had to come to Islamabad from Lahore. For the past 2 nights, I haven’t slept enough. Yesterday, my niece got operated on, and I was busy in the hospital the whole day. And then, in the morning, I had to drive all the way from Lahore to Islamabad in my car, and it took around 4:30 hours to arrive. For the past six weeks, I have been following the same routine. Every Friday after work, I travel back to Lahore, and every Monday morning I travel back to Islamabad. I have lost my home between... since I mentioned both travels as travel back. Anyhow, hectic schedule... L. I am putting too much effort into this trip. I presume it will go on for 3 more weeks, and then finally I will find a house and settle down in Islamabad for some months with my family, thus minimising these back and forth Lahore visits.

Yesterday, I saw my boy for the sixth time. I don’t know how to describe the feeling in words when, for the very first time, I hold him in my arms. It was the most joyous moment of my life, mixed with worries and reluctance. Before his birth, I had no idea what he would be like. What will my feelings be when he's born? I have absolutely no idea... nothing... Now, I am falling in love with him. For good things in life, it is important that you be blank with no expectations. So, when they come, it always feels good. It works in my case.

I want to write about the turmoil that my country has been facing for the past 4 years. Insecurity, injustice, inflation... so many bad in’s are there. When I was a kid, our country was progressing so smoothly. We were way ahead of India in all good things, except movies. But now we are left so far behind. All this has been done during the twenty-nine years of my life. I have witnessed this country getting worse and worse in front of me. I have little hope that things will get better.

False promises and not taking responsibility have been two things that have been really bothering me for the past few months. But then again, I don’t have any options in my hand right now. I have to wait a few months to take some action. I hope I have better options in front of me when the time is right.

So, these are the things that I want to write about. I will try to be less amateurish next time.

Bye Bye 2010 - There is no Limit...

Another year has passed. And a new year is here. When I look back, I have mixed feelings about the year 2010. In 2010, my life had changed altogether. I got married in December 2009. In 2010, I experienced the bliss of marital life. During the first quarter of 2010, I was busy in my marital life. Since my wife hails from another city, travelling outside Lahore and exploring smaller cities around Lahore was quite exciting and thrilling. 

The second quarter started with a bang, and all the good things and carefree calm of the first quarter were replaced with the bits and pieces of agitation. My dear Khala was diagnosed with cancer. She had her operation and, by the grace of Allah almighty, it went well. Side by side, during this quarter, I had to make the toughest decision of my life. I got a job offer from a multinational company in Islamabad. The job looked promising, but it required me to relocate. Leaving your home city and family seems to be the toughest decision. After a lot of careful consideration and consultation, I decided to accept the challenge and resigned from my company. I spent more than 6 years with those guys, and leaving them was very hard, but I guess the principle of evolution demands change :P.

I hated and loved my decision. During most of the third and fourth quarters, I had been travelling. It was fun and adventure at the beginning and in the middle, but in the end, I got fed up with all this commuting and started to think whether I had made the right decision or not. But it’s been so far so good, so I think I shouldn’t be impatient and should leave some things in the good hands of Allah. Finally, now at the beginning of the New Year, I am relaxed. My travel schedule from August 2010 was as follows:

3 Weeks in Islamabad

1 Night in Karachi

3 Weeks in Oslo

1 Day in Karachi

1 week in Lahore

1 week in Islamabad

7 weeks in Oslo

1 week in Lahore

1 week in Islamabad

3 weeks in Oslo

2 days in Lahore

1 week in Islamabad

3 days in Lahore

3 days in Islamabad

Since I was travelling alone abroad, it was a bumpy ride for my martial life, but whatever Allah does, He has done it for the best. In the end, I have no complaints. 

So, in short, 2010 was a roller-coaster ride year for me as it gave me opportunities to explore myself and made me realise that if you have faith and the will to challenge your limitations (which you think you have), then there is no limit in life.

There is no tomorrow...

For a long time, there were tears in my eyes. It was not because of anything relating to me. It was because of someone else’s tragedy. A few months ago, the son of my father’s friend got killed. He was riding a bike when his bike hit a car. A small fight happened, and the car guys took out a gun and shot him on the spot. He died in the hospital after a few days. He was a young chap, a couple of years younger than me, and was the only son of his parents. He has got one sister who lives in the UK. I was just browsing Facebook when his profile came across in front of me. http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=605161843 I went through his profile. There were messages from people on his wall, regarding how much they missed him and remembering old memories with him. It brought tears to my eyes and pain to my heart. It was the fourth time in my life that I realised that the world in which we live is cruel and insane! Finally, this incident put the last nail in the coffin of my trust in humanity. 

Some years ago, there was another incident that shook me completely. There was a picture of a woman with her children in the newspaper. They were holding a placard in front of the press club. There was a line written below the picture. She was a middle-class lady legislative consular from some backward area of Lahore, and some people were threatening to kill her in some domestic dispute. She was asking the world for protection. Some days later, there was a small news item about her killing in the pages of the newspaper. There was no other news about her killing afterwards. I still remember that picture. She was begging people for help, but no one cared to come forward and give her protection. This was the first time in my life that I felt that humanity was scarce these days. 

The second time was even worse. There was news of a 7-year-old girl who went missing. She was the daughter of a peon of Punjab University. Both of her parents were deaf and mute. The police refused to take action, telling her father that their daughter would return home herself after some time. The people, on behalf of her parents, protested against the police. A few days later, the girl was found dead in an under-construction building. She was brutally raped and later killed by piercing iron bars into her neck.

Another incident which I remember is of a factory owner. He was burnt alive by angry so-called Muslims because one of his workers falsely accused him of showing disrespect to the Holy Quran. The police did nothing. 

All of these were small stories in newspapers, but they had a strong impact on my mind. I failed to understand how anger and hatred can make one so mad as to commit such animal brutality. The biggest pain in life is unjustly losing the ones you love and then failing to understand why this injustice happened. The biggest ache for parents is to see the dead body of their child who was killed for no reason. How little human life is worth these days? People kill one another without realising what effect one’s death will have on another person’s family and friends. No one bothers others now. Every person is just into himself. People live as if there would be no tomorrow. They have forgotten that they will leave a worse world for their children. Their children will eat the bitter fruit of what they have sown. Nature always does its math. It never leaves anything minus or plus for a person. At the end of the day, it leaves everyone with a zero. 

I have a very strong feeling about the present times. I believe we are living in the dark ages where there is no respect for one's life and dignity. The only respectable people are the ones with money and power. There are corrupt rulers but no leaders. People have no courage to rise against barbarism. Therefore, nature is angry and is punishing us with earth quakes and floods. The ones who survive will face more bitter punishment if they didn’t resent and resist the doings of current times; for them, the only road ahead is the road of utmost deterioration. 

May Allah forgives us all, shows us the right way and gives us the courage to make this society and world a better place to live in.

Purpose

What is the purpose of your life? What is your purpose for surviving and proceeding in life? Have you been able to find this answer? If yes, then you probably shouldn’t read below; if not, then let’s find the purpose of our lives together :)

Life is the most precious thing in the world. Once it is gone, it never returns. Unfortunately, in some societies, it is the cheapest thing to be traded for. Everything in this universe has a purpose to serve. The purpose of a tree is to provide fruit, shade, and wood, along with filtering the air. That’s their purpose, and they ought to serve animals and humans. The same goes with other botanical living beings. In the case of animals, they don’t give anything in return to trees; instead, they are used by men for food, clothing, commuting, protection, and companionship. So, they serve humans only. And humans use all other living beings and earthly resources in order to live a comfortable and less hard life. They interact with each other to form a group so that they can communicate their feelings and fulfil their desires. They follow a set pattern and live their lives according to it. In fact, for the past thousand years, every living object has been following its own set patterns of life.

The purpose of a human life is always perceived differently in different phases of life. For instance, at the time of birth, the purpose is to take forward the legacy of the continuation of the human race. Humans want to have children in order to follow the set pattern of life as followed by their forefathers. Either they want children to support them later in life or they want them to find a purpose in their lives. With the passage of time, the child vaguely thinks about what he wants to achieve in life or what profession he wants to adopt, and then, for all those coming years, one gives his heart and soul to achieve it, and they live most of their lives doing so. Some might not care to do so. After spending some good years of life, when one feels they have or have not achieved their purpose, what comes next? One either continues to do what one has been doing for the past so many years and they prepare their children to go through that cycle, or one tends to do something completely different from what one has been doing. In that phase, if one looks back and analyses the life that has been lived and assesses the purpose for which they have led their lives, which could be career success; children; fortunes; visiting places; money; fame; recognition, Eventually, one realizes how minuscule these purposes were for which they have been leading their lives for. All materials will be left behind when one dies. Your life will be stopped, but for others, it will continue. Maybe the real purpose of life is to do something for the betterment of those who will live even after you are gone.

Farewell

I made one decision and it is changing my life. I resigned from my job and joined a multinational company in Islamabad. Although it was a tough decision to take since I have been working for one of the best employers in the IT industry in Lahore, the decision has been taken. After thinking for weeks and spending sleepless nights, I decided to quit my job. The reason for leaving the job is quite stupid and foolish, as has been said by some. The reason was that I needed a change of work and wanted to test my capabilities and to see to what extent I could push myself. I am a person who loves changes and also a person who doesn’t easily get adjusted to these changes. I hope I made it an understandable statement for you. It’s been over a month since I joined my new company, which is again one of the best employers in the country. I can write about it later, but for now I just want to talk about my previous company. I spent more than 5 years over there, and now when I look back, it seems like such a long time, but in memories it appears to be such a short time. I wonder where the time got lost. 
Below is the excerpt of my farewell email. 

Dear All,

With this email, I am concluding one of the most cherished chapters of my life. Today 30-July-2010 marks my last working day at Redmath. It's been 5 years and 3 months since I joined this organization. From next week I won't be a part of it anymore. As most of you know, I would be joining in Islamabad. For me it wasn't an easy decision to take after I have been working at Redmath for many years; but the principle of evolution demands change, so that we can evolve and let others to evolve as well.

I am extremely grateful to Rxxx bhai for making me a part of Redmath. I will treasure all the memories of my stay at Redmath and for that I am thankful to every Redmathematician (now and once). I feel myself quite blessed since I've had the opportunity to work on some very interesting projects with great people. On personal level, I've made some quality friendships too.

I am not very fond of goodbyes and farewells, as for me they amplifies the nostalgia. Therefore, in the end I won't be saying goodbye to you. Because goodbyes are meant for those whom you think you will not be able to meet again. But I want us to meet again. I hope I'll keep in touch with a lot of you either in person or via networks like Facebook or LinkedIn. I am not hard to find. I can be reached at
MSN / Facebook / Linkedin: xxxxx@hotmail.com
GTalk: xxxx.xxx@gmail.com
Phone: 0xxxxx (for time-being, as it will get change)

Take very good care of yourself. May Allah bless you all.

Thanks & Kind Regards,
Arfan Ameer
- "You must be the change you wish to see in the world."

What Your Name Means ?

You entered: arfan ameer

There are 10 letters in your name.

Those 10 letters total to 46.

There are 5 vowels and 5 consonants in your name.

Your number is: 1

The characteristics of 1 are: Initiating action; pioneering; leading; being independent; attaining; being an individual.

The expression or destiny for 1:

A number 1 Expression denotes a skilled executive with keen administrative capabilities. You must develop the capacity to be a fine leader, sales executive, or promoter. You have the tools to become an original person with a creative approach to problem solving and a penchant for initiating action. Someone may have to follow behind you to handle the details, but you know how to get things going and make things happen. You have a good mind and the ability to use it for your advancement. Because of these factors, you have the potential for achievement and financial rewards. Frequently, this expression belongs to someone running a business or striving to achieve a level of accomplishment through their talents and efforts. You have little need for much supervision, preferring to act on your own with little restraint. You are both ambitious and determined. Self-confident and self-reliant must be yours as you develop a strong, unyielding will and the courage of your convictions.

Although you fear loneliness, you want to be left alone. You fear routine and being in a rut. You often jump the gun because you are afraid of being left behind.

The negative attributes of the 1 expression are egotism and a self-centred approach to life. This is an aggressive number, and if it is over-emphasized, it is very hard to live with. You do not have to be overly aggressive to fulfil your destiny. The 1 has a natural instinct to dominate and to be the boss, adhering to the concept of being number One. Again, you do not have to dominate and destroy in order to lead and manage.

Your Soul Urge number is: 4

A Soul Urge number of 4 means:

With a soul urge or motivation number of 4, you are likely to strive for a stable life. You tend to follow a rather orderly pattern and systematic approach in your endeavours. You have an inner desire to serve others in a methodical and diligent manner. You want to be involved in solid, conventional, and well-regulated activities, and you are somewhat disturbed by innovation and erratic or sudden changes. You are excellent at organizing, systematizing, and managing. You have a way of establishing order and maintaining it. You are responsible, reliable, and, in the final analysis, practical. Highly analytical, you can see your way through all sorts of situations and generally have a clear understanding of the issues. You are a very honest, sincere, and conscientious individual.

The negative side of the 4 is rigid, stubborn and somewhat narrow-minded. There is a tendency to hide feelings or to not be aware of real feelings. Avoid being too rigid and stubborn in your thinking and try to always see the big picture rather than becoming too involved with the details. Don't be afraid to take a chance occasionally.

Your Inner Dream number is: 6

An Inner Dream number of 6 means:

You dream of guiding and fostering the perfect family in the perfect home. You crave the devotion of your offspring and a loving spouse. You picture yourself at the centre of a successful domestic unit.