Amateurish

After a long time, I feel like writing something. But I don’t have anything specific in my mind right now. I think I have lost my ability to express myself in writing, which I shouldn’t have. I would try to re-develop it. So, for this time, do pardon me if I sound amateurish.

This time, I'll just go at random and write down whatever comes to mind and heart right now.Let me start with today. Today I had a hectic morning. I woke up at 4:00 am, packed my stuff, changed clothes, and left. I had a quick breakfast and took out my car. I had to come to Islamabad from Lahore. For the past 2 nights, I haven’t slept enough. Yesterday, my niece got operated on, and I was busy in the hospital the whole day. And then, in the morning, I had to drive all the way from Lahore to Islamabad in my car, and it took around 4:30 hours to arrive. For the past six weeks, I have been following the same routine. Every Friday after work, I travel back to Lahore, and every Monday morning I travel back to Islamabad. I have lost my home between... since I mentioned both travels as travel back. Anyhow, hectic schedule... L. I am putting too much effort into this trip. I presume it will go on for 3 more weeks, and then finally I will find a house and settle down in Islamabad for some months with my family, thus minimising these back and forth Lahore visits.

Yesterday, I saw my boy for the sixth time. I don’t know how to describe the feeling in words when, for the very first time, I hold him in my arms. It was the most joyous moment of my life, mixed with worries and reluctance. Before his birth, I had no idea what he would be like. What will my feelings be when he's born? I have absolutely no idea... nothing... Now, I am falling in love with him. For good things in life, it is important that you be blank with no expectations. So, when they come, it always feels good. It works in my case.

I want to write about the turmoil that my country has been facing for the past 4 years. Insecurity, injustice, inflation... so many bad in’s are there. When I was a kid, our country was progressing so smoothly. We were way ahead of India in all good things, except movies. But now we are left so far behind. All this has been done during the twenty-nine years of my life. I have witnessed this country getting worse and worse in front of me. I have little hope that things will get better.

False promises and not taking responsibility have been two things that have been really bothering me for the past few months. But then again, I don’t have any options in my hand right now. I have to wait a few months to take some action. I hope I have better options in front of me when the time is right.

So, these are the things that I want to write about. I will try to be less amateurish next time.