The Unsent Letters...

Letter 1

 

To,

The very dear M,

 

My life was empty before I met you. At the very first moment when I heard your voice, I never knew then that you would have such a strong impact on my life later. I never knew that I would ever have the chance to meet you in person. I never knew that we could be friends. But after our first meeting, then second, and then third, fourth, and fifth, I knew a lot about you and myself. I don’t know why I miss you so much. I start missing you from the moment you say good bye to me every night when I drop you off at your home. I am sorry, because I lied to you when I said that I was infatuated with you and was involved with you. I am sorry I didn't mean that. I was scared to tell you the truth. I was apprehensive and confused as I didn’t know how you would react to the truth if I told you. I don’t want you to come to me because I want you to; I want you to come to me on your own will, because I treasure your happiness and will. Damn it, I love you. I knew this truth from the beginning, but I didn’t want to show it. You made me fly without wings. You made me happy when we were close to each other. You made me forget myself when we held each other's hands. You are the only person for whom I have broken my principles. The principles that if I had broken years ago, then maybe I wouldn't have gone through the years of pain I had been through. I must admit I was deeply shaken when you asked me if I was happy with the way things were going and suggested it would be better if we remained friends. I was hurt because I was happy before and I didn’t want to think about anything else whenever I was with you. Your one question just shook me off from the blissful sleep of reverence. Your one question cut off my wings and smashed me to the ground. It hurt me deep down. You are the only person in my life who has made me cry in my dreams. My Dear Friend, I don't know if the path we were heading down is right or wrong, but that one question of yours made me think, is this really right? But you know, I don’t care whether it’s right or wrong. I don’t care for how long we stay together. I only know that I like you for who you are; that I adore you for the feelings you have shared with me; that I admire you for the ideas you have debated; that I respect you for the beliefs you have defended; and that I love you for no other reason.

 

From,

The one person who might be remembered by you in the hours of solitude...

 

Letter 2

Dearest M,

 

I could not sleep last night. I have been thinking a lot about you and the things you did and said in the past three days. You haven’t asked me to come into your home in the past 3 days when I dropped you off at your place. That is quite unusual for me since you used to ask me to come to your home every second day. I don’t know, but one part of my heart died then. You don’t call me any more when I am on my way back to my home. You don’t hug me goodbye any more. I can sense your fears and mine too. The night before yesterday, we debated a lot about the things between us, and I assured you that we can remain friends forever, and if you are meeting someone, and if it’s making me uneasy, then it’s my problem, not yours. You were sweet when you said that it was your problem too since your friend was getting hurt. I was touched and hurt at the same time. You don’t reply back to my morning messages the way you used to do before. I know the distance is expanding, but I can go the distance. I can lower it only if you want. Every time you tell me that I am your friend, a part of my heart dies. When you say you will help me to find the perfect person, I couldn’t find any place in the world where I could cry out loud. Why can’t you be the perfect person for me? I have run off my tears since we met. I think I can’t be your friend any more. If I continue to pretend to be your friend, then I have to get rid of every part of my heart and turn my heart into stone, which will kill me. I think I should not write any more letters to you, because putting my feelings on paper just makes me want you more.

 

From,

Your friend who is lost whether he is with you or not.

 

Letter 3

Hi,

 

It's been months now. And I think I have been able to survive without you. I have become strong now. It was an amazing time that I spent with you. I understand that things between us cannot work and that we cannot remain friends, as you have requested.I was losing my peace of mind and I could see my life slipping away from my hands. Even people who were close to me were suffering because of all this. Maybe you can never understand all these things. I don't have many words to say this time. I just want to say this: remember it was you who pushed me away. It wasn't me who went away. So don't complain to me ever.

 

Take care

Bye

I read these when I was 40. My review of this post: "What a stupid bunch of crap. It was better to invest energy in something more useful and long-lasting."