I want to Sleep

Its past mid-night; I went to bed but couldn’t sleep. I tried a lot but certain random thoughts ran in to my mind and they are not letting me to sleep; the thoughts of my country, my religion and my future all of them are running endlessly in my mind and it is giving me headache; seriously.

The current chaos, which we are facing from last some months, or perhaps years or may be decades. There is very much unpredictability about the future of this country. In spite of all odds, it’s still surviving after 60 years. From past 10 years, since I became mature enough to establish my own personal opinion about various issues, I felt that the future of this country always seemed to be drizzling. One after another there are political, social and economic disorders. Infact these disorders exists from the very beginning, and I believe it will continue to be so till end. I am neither hopeful nor hopeless regarding the future of this country. God has given us this country, He will protect it. So no worries. This little thought is an easy way to escape from my responsibilities to this country. This thought is not letting me to sleep.

My religion of which I am part of has become quite controversial in the world; the teachings of Islam have been criticized deeply by the west. Infact in Muslim world, people are divided. There are two groups; Extremists and Liberals. The extremists have gone a mile away and believe that it’s correct to preach and implement Islam forcefully. Whereas, liberals feel that just being good to people and performing Hakook-ul-Ebad is all what Islam is about. They don’t care about Hakook-ul-Allah. Having pre-martial relationships, drinking, marrying non-Muslims, wearing revealing clothes, all of it is acceptable in modern Islam. This is what they believe. I am in between of two. Since I disagree with more than 80% of Liberal thoughts and on the flip side, honestly, I don’t pray regularly and sometimes I ignore certain Islamic principles just for my easiness or for my lust of worldly things. I am a Muslim by birth. This guilt of not being a true Muslim by heart is forbidding me to sleep.

Living in a big city like Lahore is quite artificial, as luxuries are more important than necessities and people are more interested in your materials than in actually you. I always dreamt of a simple life. Living in a small city; a city surrounded by green mountains; having a cozy home built in old style with a big garden; and running a shop to pay off your bills, and enjoying every moment of life in peace and calmness with my family, away from the hustle bustle and busy life of big city. But it will remain a dream. Because I could feel that future have something else for me, which is going to be very different from what, I dream. And this dream is disturbing my sleep.

There are questions in my mind, which I have always kept in backside of my brain. Life is so simple. All these thoughts just make it complex. I wish I could be a kid again so that I could sleep quietly, without thinking and worrying.