Memento

Can you recall your very first memory of your life? Do you remember the very first time you actually saw your parents, your siblings, your home and your relatives? Perhaps, you don’t remember these things, but you do remember those moments when you have actually realised that they all exist. You do remember the moment when you felt that you exist in this world and some people do exist in your life. I have some of my earliest memories, but I don’t remember them in the correct chronological order, and I don’t think you either remember your earliest memories in that order too. There are a few dozen such memories which I still remember.

 

I still remember my first day at school. My parents waited outside the school gate in the car (which was a red Toyota Corolla 1984 something model) and were watching me going inside the school. I was crying, and I still remember the smile on the faces of my parents. I kept crying all the time in the school during the assembly.

 

I remember that moment when I was sitting on a couch in my old home next to my mother.

 

I remember that moment when my father talked to my mother about me.

 

I remember that evening when I, along with my elder sister, visited my maternal grandfather in a hospital before his death.

 

I remember that day when I was crying in class and then the teacher made me sit in my elder brother’s class along with him.

 

I remember that night, when during the exhibition in Fortress Stadium we got stuck in a horrible storm.

 

I remember that moment when one of my uncles shifted to their new home.

 

I remember that night when my sister got injured in the race course park.

 

I remember that day when I got injured while running on the roads with my brother in Sialkot.

 

I remember that moment when I was getting scared of cows in our home, and later I showed affection to them. I also remember when I went to see their newly born calf.

 

I remember that day when I broke my arm while playing with my sister.

 

I remember that day when my dad brought the movie "Pakzeezah".

 

In all these very first memories of my life, I can only recollect those memories that were associated with my family. There are hardly a few of them that are linked with other relatives or any of my friends.

In Paris – Day 2 – The French Journey continues…

I put an alarm on my cell phone. The alarm rang on time. I had a very tiring day yesterday and I could still feel the tiredness after 5–6 hours of sleep. But this tiredness had to be ignored, otherwise I would have missed the excitement. I took a shower, changed my clothes, and packed the luggage. I just had a bag and an umbrella. I left my umbrella at the hotel since the forecast for that day was cloudy, not rainy. A few yards away was the stop for open tour bus. I jumped over it and began my second day of exploration of Paris. I went to the Louvre museum, which is one of the world's most visited museums of the world. It used to be a fortress, first in the seventeenth century, and then it was converted into a palace, and now a museum. It contains artefacts from the Egyptian, Iranian, Greek, and Roman civilizations. There are some very beautiful and amazing paintings inside, including Mona Lisa by Leonardo Di Vinci. This painting is kept in a room and a barrier is placed in between the visitors and the painting. I spent a couple of hours in the museum and then headed for the next destination. As soon as I went out of the museum, it started raining. The forecast cheated me anyway. However, it was bearable. Minutes later it converted into drizzling. Sitting on top of an open tour bus with a little drizzling and a cloudy sky and wandering through the streets of Paris was just a lovely experience. I was dead tired and it was already 2:00 pm. I didn’t have the stamina to walk down the street any more. Sitting on top of bus, I said goodbye to the Eiffel Tower, Champs-Elysées and headed towards the Gare de Nord station. During my journey to Gare de Nord, I met an old lady. She was from Australia and was having Euro Trip with her friend. She was in her late 60’s. She seemed very happy and excited to be in Paris. She said to me that it was her first time in Paris. I said it was my first time too. She replied, with a sigh, "But you can come again." Her words struck a chord in my heart. I can imagine how happy she was as it might be her last time in Paris and, perhaps, life would not be giving her a second chance. She knew she would die soon. I reached the station at around 4:00 pm. My train was at 7:30 pm. I had lunch at the nearby Mc Donald's (fish burger: P) and waited inside the station. At the station, I came to observe different people from different nations inside the waiting room. On time, the train arrived, and I jumped over it. The train journey was amazing. I was served good food and drinks (soft ones). I had the company of a French girl with me ;) and we had interesting conversation throughout the journey. She also invited me to watch Scent of a Woman on her laptop. Ah... The French journey... 

These two days were an incredible experience in my life because I realised one of my dreams, and after visiting Paris, I realised there might not be a better place in the world to visit afterwards. 

The Unsent Letters...

Letter 1

 

To,

The very dear M,

 

My life was empty before I met you. At the very first moment when I heard your voice, I never knew then that you would have such a strong impact on my life later. I never knew that I would ever have the chance to meet you in person. I never knew that we could be friends. But after our first meeting, then second, and then third, fourth, and fifth, I knew a lot about you and myself. I don’t know why I miss you so much. I start missing you from the moment you say good bye to me every night when I drop you off at your home. I am sorry, because I lied to you when I said that I was infatuated with you and was involved with you. I am sorry I didn't mean that. I was scared to tell you the truth. I was apprehensive and confused as I didn’t know how you would react to the truth if I told you. I don’t want you to come to me because I want you to; I want you to come to me on your own will, because I treasure your happiness and will. Damn it, I love you. I knew this truth from the beginning, but I didn’t want to show it. You made me fly without wings. You made me happy when we were close to each other. You made me forget myself when we held each other's hands. You are the only person for whom I have broken my principles. The principles that if I had broken years ago, then maybe I wouldn't have gone through the years of pain I had been through. I must admit I was deeply shaken when you asked me if I was happy with the way things were going and suggested it would be better if we remained friends. I was hurt because I was happy before and I didn’t want to think about anything else whenever I was with you. Your one question just shook me off from the blissful sleep of reverence. Your one question cut off my wings and smashed me to the ground. It hurt me deep down. You are the only person in my life who has made me cry in my dreams. My Dear Friend, I don't know if the path we were heading down is right or wrong, but that one question of yours made me think, is this really right? But you know, I don’t care whether it’s right or wrong. I don’t care for how long we stay together. I only know that I like you for who you are; that I adore you for the feelings you have shared with me; that I admire you for the ideas you have debated; that I respect you for the beliefs you have defended; and that I love you for no other reason.

 

From,

The one person who might be remembered by you in the hours of solitude...

 

Letter 2

Dearest M,

 

I could not sleep last night. I have been thinking a lot about you and the things you did and said in the past three days. You haven’t asked me to come into your home in the past 3 days when I dropped you off at your place. That is quite unusual for me since you used to ask me to come to your home every second day. I don’t know, but one part of my heart died then. You don’t call me any more when I am on my way back to my home. You don’t hug me goodbye any more. I can sense your fears and mine too. The night before yesterday, we debated a lot about the things between us, and I assured you that we can remain friends forever, and if you are meeting someone, and if it’s making me uneasy, then it’s my problem, not yours. You were sweet when you said that it was your problem too since your friend was getting hurt. I was touched and hurt at the same time. You don’t reply back to my morning messages the way you used to do before. I know the distance is expanding, but I can go the distance. I can lower it only if you want. Every time you tell me that I am your friend, a part of my heart dies. When you say you will help me to find the perfect person, I couldn’t find any place in the world where I could cry out loud. Why can’t you be the perfect person for me? I have run off my tears since we met. I think I can’t be your friend any more. If I continue to pretend to be your friend, then I have to get rid of every part of my heart and turn my heart into stone, which will kill me. I think I should not write any more letters to you, because putting my feelings on paper just makes me want you more.

 

From,

Your friend who is lost whether he is with you or not.

 

Letter 3

Hi,

 

It's been months now. And I think I have been able to survive without you. I have become strong now. It was an amazing time that I spent with you. I understand that things between us cannot work and that we cannot remain friends, as you have requested.I was losing my peace of mind and I could see my life slipping away from my hands. Even people who were close to me were suffering because of all this. Maybe you can never understand all these things. I don't have many words to say this time. I just want to say this: remember it was you who pushed me away. It wasn't me who went away. So don't complain to me ever.

 

Take care

Bye

I read these when I was 40. My review of this post: "What a stupid bunch of crap. It was better to invest energy in something more useful and long-lasting."

Ghar Wahin Hai Jahan...

Ghar wahin hai jahan pe zindagi shuroo hue; 

jahan bachpan guzra; 

jahan achha bura pata chala; 

jahan pehli arzoo ne janam lia; 

jahan pehli mohabbat jaagi; 

jahan pe andheri raat ki tareeki se bach ker pohchnay ki jaldi hoti hai; 

jahan pe dyar-e-gair mai wapis lautnay ki tamana hoti hai; 

Ghar wahin hai jahan ki mitti ki khushboo, jahan ki dhoop ki chah, jahan key barish ki boondien yaad aati hain; 

Ghar wahin hai jahan dil hai; 

jahan apnay hai;

jahan maa hai.

In Paris - Day One

Paris, the biggest tourist destination of the world; I always wanted to visit Paris, because of all the stories, which I have heard from the people who have done so. It was always a source of fascination for me and long ago I have decided that this is one of things, which I want to do before I die. For quite some long time, I have been waiting for this moment to happen. I have made my mind, if I ever visited Europe, I would surely visit Paris. Finally during my second week at Amsterdam, I finally decided that I have to visit Paris in any case, no matter how costly this visit will be or even if no one accompanies me, I will still go to Paris. I was little nervous as this was my first foreign tour and honestly I haven’t yet fully understood the norms of the European culture and their transport system. There were some fears in my mind; rather I would say negative thoughts. Like what if I lost my belongings or passport, or what if I ran short of money or I miss my return train. Another thought was disturbing was that what if instead of visiting Paris, I just get lost there and couldn’t see all the places I want to see. I put all these thoughts on rest and finally on Tuesday I bought the tickets of thalys to visit Paris. I got return ticket for 158 Euros; the ticket lady was kind enough in helping me to find the most economical fare. She wished me luck for my tour. Thalys is a fast speed train, which runs between Amsterdam and Paris. This train travels through Belgium in between. The entire travel by Thalys between Amsterdam and Paris is around 4:10 hours. The tickets were of weekend Saturday morning 7:30 am. The return train was 7:30 pm Sunday evening. So I almost go 2 days of visit, which was quite enough I suppose. For the entire next three days after Tuesday, I googled all the places and tourist spots of Paris. I have collected information about Paris from all the people I know who have been there. I have listed all the places I want to see in Paris and did as much research as I can. On Friday night I packed all my stuff and tried to have a good nap, I put alarm on my cell and closed my eyes.

The alarm rang. It was 4:30 am Saturday morning. I quickly jumped off the bed, went to washroom, changed my clothes, grabbed an apple and put some lays packets in my bag. I locked my room and went out of hotel. I have an umbrella and a bag with me. The forecast of Paris was rainy for Saturday. It was 5:00 am. I went to metro station, which was 5 minutes walk away from my hotel. But there was no metro. The metro service hadn’t start then. I waited few minutes and tried to read the timings on the timetable, but that was Dutch, I couldn’t. I went to tram station, which was 5-10 minutes walk away. But no luck, trams haven’t started also. I started thinking of alternate solution. I went to a bus stop, which was again 5 minutes away. But there was no bus. I came back to the metro station hoping I might be able to see the light of metro but none. I knew there was a bus station near by but I wasn’t sure about its exact location. I followed my instincts in a direction. I saw a black man running. I presumed he was too going to bus station. Guess, I was in the right direction. Also, I saw a bus going to the same direction. I followed it. And after good 10 minutes, I finally reached Amstelveen Bus Station. I thanked God. In 10 minutes, the bus to central station came and I was relaxed. I reached station at 6:30. Still had one hour to wait. I took coffee from the shop and waited. At the exact time, train arrived, and the journey to Paris started.

The route of Thalys from Amsterdam and Brussels take around 2:30 hours. The track is slow speed. The rail track from Belgium and France is a fast one and the train shoots like a bullet there.

We reached at exact time at Paris. It was around 11:30 am. I went out of station; Gare De Nord station of Paris. Gare de Nord is like a big hall kind of station. In the station, there is a tourist information section. I took city map along with the brochure of open tour bus and hotel accommodation book from it. As soon as I went out of station, I saw beggars outside lying down on the land outside station. Paris station is quite opposite to Amsterdam Central station. It is more crowded and congested and yes have beggars. This is one thing, which I haven’t seen in Amsterdam. I roamed on the streets for some minutes and then I jumped on the Open tour bus. The open tour bus takes you around all the main tourists spots of the city and you can hop on and hop off on them as many times as you want. They have four different routes. I took ticket of it for two days from the bus driver. I went on the rooftop of the bus. There were around 8-10 ladies sitting. As they saw me, few of them said “oh No”. Did I just experience racism? Or was it a gender issue. I didn’t know and I didn’t bother. I just made a smile and sat at a distance from them and ignored them. The bus has commentary and it informs you about the places it is taking you to. I hop off at the Paris Opera. It is a beautiful building of old times. I took some snaps and roamed the streets. The weather was extremely pleasant. It was cloudy and there was little sunshine in intervals. I again hop on the next bus and went to Notre Dame church. There was a long queue outside, but no ticket. The church was beautiful. I spent some time there and took pictures and went back to bus. The bus went to Louvre Museum, the most famous museum of world. I want to see the museum but I have put it on my to-do list for the second day. Along with Seine River, the bus took us to Place de la Concorde. The Place de la Concorde is one of the major squares in Paris. I jumped off the bus and spend some time there. There are two beautiful fountains there. From there, I had my first look of Eiffel tower but I preferred to give this time to Concorde. I requested some Japanese tourists there to take my pictures, and then I moved on to Champs-Élysées. The Champs-Élysées is the most prestigious and broadest avenue in Paris. Its full name is "Avenue des Champs-Élysées". With its cinemas, cafés, and luxury specialty shops, the Champs-Élysées is one of the most famous streets in the world. It is about 2 kilometers long. It starts from Concorde and ends at Arc de Triomphe.I walked on the street. It was about an hour walk. I visited few of the shops and reached at Arc de Triomphe. Again some Japanese cum Chinese tourists came to my rescue and they took my pictures. You can go over the top of Arc de Triomphe but I didn’t feel the urge to go over the top. I then looked for the open tour bus stop. It took me some time, to find the stop. I waited for it there and in the meanwhile, I realized that it more than 4:00pm and still I haven’t looked for any place for my night stay. I searched the accommodation book, but it was useless for me for some hefty reasons. The bus took us to Eiffel tower; there was very big crowd there and some protest was going on there. I was occupied with the thoughts of finding accommodation, so I decided first I will accommodation then I will come to see Eiffel tower again. I went off the bus at Madeline church and looked for the hotels. The hotels there were bit expensive, as it was the central city. The range was from 85 –110 Euros and even more. I asked one of the receptionists of the hotel if she could help me in finding any cheap hotel, she suggested me to go to Mont Marte area. I didn’t know where it was. I once again sat on Open tour bus, which was going to Mont Marte. I went off at Gare de Nord stop and looked for the hotels there. The hotel guy asked for 60 Euros but he said there is no shower. Another hotel girl said 45 Euros but the hotel closes at 11:00 at night. Third asked for 85. Fourth asked for 65 Euros and said yes we have shower and we open all night. Fifth one asked for 90 Euros. The lady there was an Indian. I asked if she could tell me any cheap one, she said the two star hotels situated opposite are fine and safe. I went to the fourth hotel where there was shower and which doesn’t close at night. The guy asked me asked me “if I am Pakistani”. I was surprised. I asked how he knows it. He said from my accent. I was confused. That guy seemed like Pakistani too, but his attitude wasn’t friendly, so I didn’t try to have a chat with him. He returned me 5 Euros making me speechless of his act. I put my things in the room and went to see for Eiffel tower.

Till then I have only traveled in Open Tour bus. Now it was my time to experience the public transport of Paris. I didn’t know from where could I find the bus to Eiffel Tower. Seeing me confused, a lady on bus stop told me that there is a bus station few meters away. She told me the direction and there I found the bus. The bus took 20-25 minutes to reach near Eiffel Tower. There were people from different nationalities and ethnicities I saw in bus. I could recognize some Indians there.

Eiffel tower is a beautiful monument. It was around evening. The whole tower was lightened up with beautiful lights and at intervals it is sparkled with white lights just like diamonds. There was a long queue waiting to go upstairs and the time was near 9:30 pm. The closing timing was 10:30 pm. I decided not to take risk and if I have time I will go on top of it tomorrow, now lets take the boat trip of Seine River. Its route is from Eiffel tower to the central city backside. It is one-hour cruise and with the commentary on with French music it is a must treat to enjoy. The songs were beautiful to listen.

It was near 12:00 then. I decided to go back to my room. I went to the same bus stop where the bus stopped but there was no bus. The bus service has closed and I couldn’t see any night bus service. I walked in search of stop. I walked for more than an hour and finally I found a metro station. I took ticket and jumped on the metro. There was no direct metro to Gare De Nord. I have to change two metros. Metro system of Paris is quite old, bigger and confusing than that of Amsterdam. After reaching hotel, I was dead tired. I was never that much tired in my whole life. it was more than 2:00 am at night. After some time browsing television, I went to sleep. Another new day was ahead of me tomorrow.

Let it happen as it happens...

I am happy; I am excited; I am scared; I am apprehensive and I don't know what the hell I am doing. I don’t want to think about anything. I don’t want to see into the future. I just want to follow my heart wherever it may lead me. May be it will take me to the journey of ultimate submission.

Only an Ocean away...

It was my first visit to any foreign country. I have never been out of Pakistan ever. Also, I have never been away from my home for more than 3-4 days. This time I was going to Amsterdam with one of my colleague for a whole month for office work. I wasn't sure how would this month will pass like. Will I be able to survive the homesickness or not? How quickly and easily will I adopt and understand the norms of the new country? What if some mishap happens to my luggage or any document or me? I have nothing in my mind and was completely blank regarding everything. My whole family came to see me off at the airport. I easily felt embarrassed when people pay attention to me publicly and I am not comfortable with that. But anyhow I surpassed it and went ahead for a journey which was an ocean away.

My first day in Amsterdam was quite interesting. As soon as I went out of airport, the first thought that came in my mind was “It is nice”. We took taxi “which was “Mercedes” and went to our hotel. I got a studio apartment. It was nice, cozy and had all the important things needed for daily routine including television, telephone, internet link, iron, fridge, microwave, crockery, CD player etc. Around 4 pm we headed towards the office which was 15 minutes walk away. Our exact location was “Amstelveen”. It is a small city situated in south of Amsterdam. Around evening, I went to see Amsterdam. For first timers in Europe or Amsterdam, one should take care while crossing the road. You never know from which direction the tram will come, so always look on sideways before you cross any road in Central part of city. I literally survived getting under the tram on my first day. It was just a foot away.

There are five things famous about Amsterdam or should I say about Netherlands. First is Museums; there are near hundred museums in Amsterdam alone. However, I had been to none of them because I don’t find museums fascinating much. Second thing is windmills. Every tourist who comes to Netherlands is crazy to see windmills. Again, this thing didn’t attract me as well. Third thing is tulips. For me Tulips are just flowers. And they are not the thing of my type either. However I did go to Keukenhof which is said to be most photographed place in the world. It is world’s biggest flower park having millions of tulips. One Pakistani whom I met in a bus said, they are just artificial, odorless and spray painted flowers. Anyways, the fourth thing is the canals. Amsterdam is all surrounded and full of canals, which made Amsterdam "Venice of the North". Now that was an interesting part of city. The last thing is the Red Light Area of Amsterdam. I won’t tell anything about it. You have to explore it yourself.Apart from all this, I went to Walibi (formerly Six flags), which is an amusement park having some amazing rides. I really enjoyed a lot there. I also went to Maduradam, a miniature park having small models of all important places, buildings and monuments of Netherlands. Other cities I have seen in Netherlands were Den Hague and Delft. There is nothing special about them, they are just small cities. I have also been part of the Queen’s day celebrations, which is a national holiday of Netherlands. Whole country comes out of their houses to celebrate this day. They dance and enjoy whole night and day on streets. It is the most celebrated day of the year. I also visited Paris and Brussels.

Overall my stay in Amsterdam was amazing. I visited a lot of places and saw a part of world from which I was never acquainted to.

Getting back to Pakistan was hard for sure :) , but still Home is Pakistan. Wherever I go I have to come back to Pakistan.

Maut Ber'Haq Hai...

We as Muslims believe that Death is an utmost reality. Every living has to face death one day. You cannot challenge it. Today or tomorrow every one has to die so till then live life by following the way of truth and believing on Oneness of Allah. Live your life within the specific parameters that Allah and His Prophet (S.A.W) have set for you. For then you shall have no grief.

Pictures from the result of recently Israeli attacks on Gaza
Maut k aanay ka tu Gham na ker... har ek ne laut ker apnay Rab key paas jana hai...

Bye Bye 2007 - All Work and Little Play

I am pretty late in putting down my memories of 2007. Let me begin with it. The first 5 months of 2007 have been extremely busy and rough for professionally. There was a lot of workload and pressure, which I had to bear during these months. But things started to get smooth later. Professionally I got advanced in this year. But it was not the only things I got this year. I also got the executive membership of Shapes, which is a renowned health club of Lahore and once again after 3 years I started to take care of my body. I lost 7 Kilos and at last have been able to shed all the unwanted flab, which I had been trying to do from past 3 years. I also got job at a company in US and I got selected in H1B, which is quota assigned by US government for overseas workers.

My childhood best friend got a job in UAE in second half of 2007 and left the country. In December, my sister came from UK after 3 years with her family. It was a wonderful time with her. My brother got married in December, so it was quite a busy month for me. Fun-filled and treasured moments I got in that course of time.  One of admirers of my blog also got married in December.

In short, this year was dedicated most to my work. There was not much things on personal life that happened this year.

Ek Nuktey wich... It's all in One contained by Bulley Shah

It can be interpreted in many ways.

On one point the matter ends. (Muzaffar Ghaffar)
In a dot the whole mystery is solved

( Saeed Ahmad)It’s all in One contained ( K S Duggal)

Wisdom is contained in a single point!( J R Puri)

Translation by Suman

At this one point, all talk ends.

Hold tight to this point, forget your calculations,

Leave the miserable state of unbelief,

Do not torment yourself with the fear of death and hell,

For these are imaginary fears.

Only into such a house will truth the enter.

At this one point, all talk ends.

For no reason you abrade your forehead on the ground,

You display your reverence at the mehraab,

You recite the kalma to impress a listener,

But knowledge does not enter your heart.
Can the truth stay hidden?

At this one point, all talk ends.

Many return from Mecca as hajjis,

With blue shawls across their shoulders.

They profit from haj ,

Who can admire such behavior?

Can the truth stay hidden?

At this one point, all talk ends.

Some withdraw to the forest,

Eat a single grain a day.

They exhaust their bodies foolishly,

And return home in bad shape,

Their life sucked dry with useless fasting and prayer.

At this one point, all talk ends.

Hold fast to your murshid,

Become a devotee of all creation,

Intoxicated, carefree,Without desire,

indifferent to the world,

Let your heart be fully clean.

Says Bulha, can the truth then be stopped?
At this one point, all talk ends.