2019: A year in review – Joy and Stress… things go hand in hand...

2019 has passed. It was another challenging year for me. I was in Pakistan when this year began. I took almost 6 weeks of leave from work. This was the longest break I ever took from work. I was excited and had many plans for this trip. I met many old friends and ate out a lot. However, due to on-going family issues, I couldn’t enjoy myself much, and the latter half of this trip became stressful. The stress of the trip continued for a few months after my return.

During the Easter holidays, I visited New Zealand with my family. It was quite a memorable and expensive (😊) trip. Overall, I enjoyed this trip. Good memories I want to visit New Zealand again.

During the second half of the year, work started getting stressful. However, it was manageable.

Somewhere in the third quarter, my friend's wife (the only friend that I made in Australia) and my wife had a money issue which escalated to insults. It ultimately affected our friendship.

I have made plans to visit Turkey at the end of the year. But I got cold feet and cancelled my plans.

Healthwise, I have back pain issues quite a few times during the year. However, it didn’t turn out to be anything serious.

Towards the end of the year, my wife’s father became ill. This made things stressful for me.

Overall, 2019 as a year was a bit better than 2018. However, life still goes on. I have my fingers crossed for 2020.

But for now, my dear, when will I ?

Today, on my return from work on the bus, I checked the news on Twitter. The dollar rate in Pakistan has increased again. This made me sad, and I feel sorry for the economic conditions of my country. For the past 7.5 years, my only dream has been to relocate back to Pakistan. When I decided to move to Australia, I was certain that it was a temporary move. After acquiring Australian citizenship, I will move back to Lahore. Since then, almost every day I have spent my idle time planning for that. Initially, I thought I needed to save enough money so that I could build a decent house easily. The initial desire was to build a good, decent-sized house in a relatively posh housing society in Lahore. For this purpose, I have been sending all my savings to Pakistan. I didn’t buy a house in Sydney as I was afraid that it might tie me to Australia and would make it hard to move out of Australia. I never thought about what I would do in Pakistan, but the only thing I knew was that I would eventually move back. It’s been 7.5 years, and even though I have made quite good savings, which is enough for me to build a house in the most upscale area of Lahore, now the question is how I will survive there. What work am I going to do there? Living in a beautiful home is a dream, but for daily expenses, what will I do? How will I earn enough to run my kitchen and bear the expenses? I knew for a fact that I couldn’t do a job there. Firstly, there are not many job prospects there and, secondly, I don’t think I have the temperament for doing a job in Pakistan. That leaves me with two options. Either do a business or have enough savings and investments that I don’t have to work. Doing business in Pakistan is tough because you can’t trust people over there. In the matter of money, there is a lot of cheating. For other options, it will take many years to save more and put it in an investment that will be enough for me to pay my monthly bills. However, it is a fact that my parents are getting old. I want to spend time with them. Also, my kids are growing. I want them to be adjusted to the Pakistani environment. I want them to know and learn about their roots. The clock is ticking. Time is passing. I so much want to move there as soon as possible. But the conditions in my country have been deteriorating. The hope for betterment is fading. I don’t know what to do. This is making me re-consider my dreams. A doubt has crept into my heart about what I will do if I am not able to re-adjust there. What if I regret it after moving back?

 

But for now, my dear, when will I move back to my home? I miss it. Sometimes, I have tears in my eyes when I think about it. I miss my mother and my home. I have never enjoyed living abroad. I miss home. I want to go back to my home... to my parents... to my Lahore.

2018: A year in review - Loss of words

It's June 2019. I have become quite lazy about writing my blog. In fact, I don’t feel like writing much. I think I have lost the words to speak or write. Either I have become lazy or disinterested. I don’t know. I just don’t know.

Anyway, 2018 wasn’t a happening year. The first half was certainly bad, quite bad, I must say. I made some bad decisions. I over-reacted to certain situations. I messed up quite a lot of things. I don’t know, but that was not a good part of the year to remember. The after-effects of last year's family issue continued this year. I visited Pakistan in February. Only one aspect of that trip was fun. The rest of the trip was worse. My parents also visited us in Australia during Ramadan.

Work-wise, the year was both busy and slow. I got a good bonus and a pay raise. That was the best bit I remember from work. Hmm... I visited Pakistan again in December. The first part of the trip was awesome. I met many of my old friends. My trip continued till the first week of February 2019. I will talk about it next year.

My kids, I love them. Only they can make me happy. I think I have lost faith in most of my relationships, but the love I have for my kids is eternal. They love me too. I hope they continue to love me like this forever. But I know it won’t be like that forever. Anyway, they have made me happy. They are the only reason I have any colour in my life.

Perhaps it’s the most boring year in review post I have ever written. But the truth is I don’t have any words to say. I so much wanted to write about new stuff, but I didn’t know where to start. I am at work right now, and I am tired and sleepy. That’s it for now.

2017: A year in review - A lot…

It is July 16th, 2018. I didn’t write my life recounts for 2017. I don’t know how I can sum up 2017 in some words. The happenings of 2017 have had a deep impact on my life. I actually don’t remember how 2017 started. All I remember is that at the start of the year I became too busy at work. I was working on two different projects. Both were new, and I was struggling a bit to get hold of them. Overall, I think I enjoyed them and didn’t feel dull at work. Meanwhile, I also took admission to an online MBA course at UNSW. Doing an MBA was something that I had desperately wanted to do since I completed my bachelors. In February, I made a trip back to Pakistan for 2 weeks. It was quite a pleasant trip. I was a bit restless initially, as I had little time, and I didn’t want to spend it randomly. I did things very planned.  The reason for visiting Pakistan was to sell one of my properties and take the money back to Australia in order to save for a house deposit. However, by the end of our trip, we made up our minds to spend 2 more years in Australia and then move back to Pakistan. Moving back to Pakistan was always something that I wanted, but I couldn’t decide the time for it. In a taxi, on my way back home from Sydney airport, the cab driver started a conversation with me, and out of nowhere, he started telling me negative aspects of living and bringing up kids in Australia. Maybe it was a sign, or at least I took it as one.

Some more months have passed. I dropped the idea of doing an MBA as it was way too expensive. My social life improved, and I started hanging out with like-minded people. Together, we travelled to different places and made fun memories. For the first time in Australia, I didn’t feel lonely. I was looking forward to mid-year as my almost 8-year period of Sarsati ended. In June, we moved to a new apartment. The shifting was very tiring. In August or September, a family dispute surfaced. For the rest of the year and even till now, it has been affecting my life and my relationships with others. I don’t want to write anything about it and the effects it has had on my life. But I have regretted it a lot. A lot of things... a lot of things. But there is no escape. I had to face it. I am facing it. I will have to face it. I get to see the true face. Why? Why did I do it? Why had I not done that? A lot… a lot… 

I read this in Oct-2022 and want to add a comment - "Wadi sarsati muki, aidey to changa si ke o chaldi rehndi".

2016: A year in review – Crossroads and then a Straight line

It’s May 2017 and I had the impression that I had already put down my reminiscences of 2016... which I hadn’t... so I am writing them now.

As mentioned in my review of 2015, at the end of 2015 I got a contract job offer in Canberra for a federal government department. However, I wasn’t sure if I should take it or not, as I was anxiously waiting for the final outcome of my job application at PWC. I knew I had made it through there; it’s just that I was waiting for final formalities to begin. The first few weeks of January passed and there was no reply from PWC. Meanwhile, the Canberra job agent was waiting for me to join as I had passed through all the formal checks. Finally, after some anxious days, I got a reply from PWC that they wanted to offer me a job, and they asked me for my expected salary. I replied to them with the figure that I knew some of my former colleagues were already getting there. At the same time, I got feedback on my annual review from my Capgemini manager, and it was not good. To be honest, I wasn’t expecting it to be that bad, but he put up a very bad picture of me in front of me. I really didn’t like that guy. But that’s another story. On the very next day or the same day, I got a reply from PWC that they were sorry, due to some issues, they couldn’t hire me. I knew it was money, and the money that they were looking for for that job was well below my current salary. Ah dammit... PWC wasted 2 months of my time, and now they have put me at a crossroads. I should have kept looking for new jobs and shouldn’t be dependent on PWC. Anyways, I knew if I continued with my current job, then after a few months I would be in hot water. My company was downsizing and I could be a victim of it because of my poor performance review. So, I made an instant decision to join that contractual job in Canberra. My wife wasn’t happy with this decision either. She doesn’t want us to move out of Sydney. My son also started school in Sydney. But what could I do? I didn’t have any other way in front of me. I have been looking to switch jobs for the past 6 months, and I can’t let this opportunity slip from my hands just like the Wyong council job one. Anyway, I resigned from Capgemini and took up that Canberra job offer. The plan was that I would stay there on my own for some weeks, and then I would move with my family. One of my friends was already working for the same department, and he said that I was coming in at a lower rate than other contractors. This demotivated me. Anyways, on the very first day, I realised I made a blunder. I shouldn’t have taken up this job. I should have waited or negotiated. I started looking for other jobs and gave one or two interviews in Sydney. Luckily (as I thought at that time), I got a job offer on a fixed term for 1 year on a similar package to what I was getting at Capgemini.

I resigned from my Canberra job after two weeks. I stayed a week at home, and then on the last day of February, I joined my new job at Qantas Credit Union, which was later renamed to Qudos Bank. The workplace was a bit far from home, but I was still in Sydney and my family didn’t have to relocate. Again, within a few weeks, I realised this was not a good idea. I shouldn’t have resigned from that contractual role. There was a lot of South Asian work culture at that job. Besides, there was no support from managers, and there were unrealistic timelines to meet. I worked very hard there. I also made good friends there. I started looking again for new jobs, both in Sydney and Canberra. Finally, after giving many interviews at different places, I got another contractual job offer from Canberra. This time the money was really good. However, on the other hand, I gave multiple interviews at Westpac. The chances were 50-50 in Westpac. In one of my interviews, I told them that I have a job offer in Canberra which I am considering, so if you want me to be hired, then make a quick decision and please no more interviews. So, on the very last day at Qudos Bank, I got a job offer from Westpac. I had to take that Canberra job starting next Monday, but I declined it at the last moment, which was a very bad thing to do. I know. I stayed at home for one week, and in July I started my third job of 2016.

For the rest of the year, I had a smooth sail at work. I didn’t face any issues. Thank God, I was finally at peace at work. My parents visited me in August for 2 months. The rest of the year was a bit more relaxed for me. However, my wife had a miscarriage in the second half of the year. It was very unfortunate, but we are still thankful to Allah for all His gifts.

So, in the end, if I sum up this year, I will say that the first of this year was one of the toughest times of my career life and I had never been at multiple crossroads like this before. But all will end well if Allah stays with you.

5 Stages of Life

Yesterday, there was a technology session at my workplace. There was a very interesting concept of tribal leadership that was shared during that session. In its true sense, the topic will be too bland for me to express here. So I am putting it down here with my own variation.

There are five different stages of life culture.

Stage 1: Life sucks—when you think, overall, life is cruel and unjust for everyone and there is nothing in it to cherish. The only thing that matters to you is your survival, either by hook or by crook. 

Stage 2: My Life Sucks—when you think it’s only your life that sucks, whereas for others, life is still great. It is only you who are the victim of all the injustice and unfairness happening around you. Nothing can happen right in your life. There are no passions and excitement left in your life. 

Stage 3: I’m great, you‘re not—when it’s all about you. You think you were born to be great, and you undermine others. You alone have all the rights, whereas the others don’t have any. A sense of pride, along with arrogance, creeps into your mind. 

Stage 4: We’re great; they’re not—when you are part of a certain group that collaborates together and has trust among its members. As a team, they look for their own best first before others. 

Stage 5: Life’s great—that’s when you work for the greater good. You strive to make the lives of people around you better regardless of any association. Your aim and passion are selfless.

2015: A year in review - Challenges and Regrets

I have become very lazy about writing; perhaps I have been too busy at work. It is already August 2016 and I haven’t put any reminiscences of 2015 on my blog. Let me start. 

2015 started with a slow routine. I was working for a client whose office was near my home. For the first time in my Australian life, I started commuting to work by car. Because of my previous work locations, I used to catch a train daily for work, and in Australia, it’s more convenient to use public transport as compared to using a car. Anyhow, I have developed a few friendships at work, something that always helps me to get accustomed to a new environment. One of my colleagues had issues with my manager, and he resigned. Even though that incident happened in December 2015, its effects were still felt in the early days of 2016. For the rest of the first quarter, there was nothing worthwhile that happened which I can share. Let me jump to the second quarter. 

In May, I was contacted by a recruiter and offered a job at the Wyong shire council. This place was more than an hour away from Sydney. The salary was very good, and the timing was flexible, and, besides, it was a government job, so it was expected that there would be little work pressure. But because of my overthinking, I decided not to take that job as I thought it would break my routine as I had to relocate and blah blah... Anyhow, I decided to stick with my current job; a decision which I regretted for the rest of the year. 

After a month, my manager resigned. Later, some more colleagues resigned. My company was not doing very well in the market. They also started firing employees. The project on which I was working also had a road block. There were commercial issues between my company and the client. There was not much for me to do at work. I was mostly sitting idle in the office. Somehow, this made me lose interest in my current company, and I started to lose motivation to work. 

During that time, my parents visited me in Sydney. It was June 2015. Before their arrival, I changed my car and replaced my Toyota Camry with a Mitsubishi Outlander. That was a very impulsive decision. In fact, an hour ago, I was not even thinking of replacing my Camry with an Outlander. But somehow the sales guy was very good and I fell for it. Later, I regretted this decision a lot. My parents stayed with me for 2 months, and that was the longest time I had spent with them in the last 5 years. It was time well spent. During that time, my father planted an idea in my head that I should buy a house in Sydney, something I had never given serious thought to. Houses in Sydney are very expensive. Melbourne was somehow less expensive to buy a house in and, besides, we had already lived there last year, so I decided to relocate to Melbourne. For that purpose, I started looking for a job in Melbourne.

In July, my sister was visiting Pakistan from the UK. I hadn’t met her in the past 3 years, so I decided to visit Pakistan in August. I got a week to spend time with her and her family. I stayed in Pakistan for 4 weeks. I didn’t have a very good time there on that trip. I had an issue with my father about some petty things. He felt I was rude to him in front of everyone. Also, while remaining there, I was contacted for job interviews in Australia, which didn’t go anywhere. However, I was glad I was able to close a chapter of my life on that trip. But it did mess up my personal life for many years to come. I seriously regret it. Anyway, I returned to Sydney in September. At that time, I was still looking to switch jobs, so I resumed my job hunt more actively. I started applying for jobs in Sydney and Melbourne. I gave almost a dozen interviews, but I was not able to get through even a single one. I started feeling helpless. I also started losing the confidence and zeal required to perform in job interviews. In parallel, I also started having issues with my manager. In December, I was interviewed at PWC for a job, and I got affirmation from them that they were keen to hire me. They asked me to wait till January of next year to receive formal acceptance. In parallel, I also got a contract opportunity in Canberra. I don’t know why I didn’t refuse that contract job, but I decided to keep that option open too. I just wanted to make sure that I had at least one offer in hand. I decided that once I receive formal acceptance from PWC, I will decline this contract offer. But for this, I have to wait till January. What happened next? Read that in my reminiscences of 2016 :P

Overall, it was a very challenging year for me. I felt demotivated and depressed, mostly because of my work life.