2020: A year in review – During this time

So, it is 2021 – it’s been many months since 2020 passed, but the effects of that year are still felt by everyone in the world. Let me begin my reminiscences.

• In December 2019, there was news of a virus breaking out in Wuhan, China. There was fear that it might spread outside of China, but for the rest of the world, little information was known at that time, and for the rest of the world, they paid no attention at that time. 
• During this time (in fact, from the last few weeks of December 2019), all of a sudden, I made up my mind to buy a house in Sydney. I started applying for pre-approval of home loans and started hunting down houses.
• Early this year, my wife had to travel to Pakistan to visit her sick father. Since she had to leave in an emergency, therefore, I stayed back at home with the kids. Sadly, my wife’s father passed away.
• When she came back, we continued searching for houses. When you have a limited budget, house hunting can be a tedious process, and it can appear impossible to find anything that ticks all the boxes.
• During this time, I noticed something odd and had to see a doctor. The doctor ran through many tests and did a procedure but couldn’t find the reason. This thing worried me.
• Meanwhile, the virus outbreak in Wuhan changed into a pandemic. Most countries in the world have started having lockdowns. So did Australia. During this time, I found a house that seemed reasonable, and it ticked some of the most important boxes, such as, in-budget, good location, and good land size. I made an offer and it was accepted.
• In May, I moved to a new house.
• During this time, I also started developing a friendship with an old acquaintance who moved to Canada from Pakistan.
• In June, I had my third child, a baby girl. I was always sceptical about having a third child, but now I would say better late than sorry. I think it was the perfect time to have a child. I got to spend so much time with my little one, and I have enjoyed all of her initial phases.
• Over the next several months, I kept busy renovating my house.
• During this time, my wife had some issues with one of her friends, and we had to distance ourselves from them. I advised my wife many years ago to not be friends with her. But she didn't listen. And now you see why I warned you.
• For almost the whole year, I worked from home. I never liked this thing. It's hard for me to work from home for such an extended period of time. In particular, being confined to the home and not speaking face-to-face with anyone apart from your family actually sucks :P

I hope things get better soon.

Regrets

Do you have any regrets in your life? Do you think if you had not done something in your past, things would be better in your life now? Is there ever a decision that you regret making? Is there any moment in your life in which you want to live again and do things differently? Do you have any regrets? I have seen people who say they do not regret their actions and decisions they have taken in their lives. Because that is what made them who they are. If you were to ask me, yes, I have regrets. Not one, but many. A few of them, I would say, are life-altering regrets. Sometimes I think if I had not taken that path or made that decision or acted differently in that situation, my life would have been much better and much different from now. But that is the beauty of life. You do not know what comes next, and unpredictability is the essence of life. If I look back on every phase of my life, I have some regrets. Probably not in the first ten years of my life, but after that. That leaves me with 29 years of regret. Maybe for the first ten years, I did not have any control or sense of what was happening in my life, so I did not have any choice about regrets.

My first deep regret started in my school life. I had the choice to change schools during year 10 and move to another school which had the reputation of its pupils getting the highest marks on the matric board. I felt emotional about leaving my previous school, where I had been studying since first grade, so I told my father that I did not want to move. However, I did not get the score I expected in Matric. I believe it was because of my school. I regret my decision deeply.

My second regret was not applying for the FSc. General Science group at Government College. I wanted to go for pre-engineering, and I could only get admission to FC College, which was second-best. I could have easily gotten into Government College in the General Science or Computer Science group, but I did not apply. Perhaps I was too overconfident in myself or ill-informed of the misfortunes of life. Ironically, 2 years later, I ended up at BCS in Government College.

Another regret was not applying to FAST for BCS. At that moment, it might have been a regret, but later I found it too small to remember.

During that phase of my life, I also went quiet. I stopped asking questions in class and felt shy when speaking in front of others. This has mainly to do with the circumstances of my home during that time.

The next few regrets were because of friendships I made or broke during my university education. But I guess that happens to most of us during college/university life.

In my early 20’s, one regret that I had was when I declined admission to the LUMS MS program. I think I should not have done that.

In my mid-20s, I regret not grooming myself physically and intellectually. I had time, money, and all the resources, but somehow, I kept holding myself.

I regretted the few friendships that I made during those times. I wish I had not done those.

So far, all my regrets have been related to not getting admission into school/university or having bad friendships. But when I look back, I do not know if they were life-altering regrets. Maybe yes or not. I cannot say anything for certain. But if I had made a proper decision, I would have been more content and confident with my life, having a sense of accomplishment. That is what I think, and I may be wrong.

But all these appear to be trivial regrets compared to what I gained later in life. I think I should have married later. I should have travelled the world before and settled into a life and career. Getting married at 27 was not a good decision that I made. It has nothing to do with my spouse, it has to do with myself. I should have waited for the right moment. Waiting a couple of years was not harmful. I should have waited and trusted myself instead of trusting others. But, when I trusted myself earlier, I was left with regrets. Therefore, I thought that maybe, for one time, I could trust others to make decisions on my behalf.

"Magar saab jab kismet mai hi dosh ho to sonay ki kaan mai jitna marzi doondo haath mai pathar hi aayeenge.. sona kabhi nahi milay ga."

But then with the decisions that I made, I can live with those regrets, but with the decisions that others made, I regret them more.

What an irony of life !!!

I am editing this post after a year. My current regrets are bad investments in stocks that I made. I should have waited or should not have become too greedy. Staying in Australia for more than a decade is also another regret. I should have moved out of here, but now I am stuck.