It’s
been quite many months since I last shared myself on my blog. At times, there
was so much to write about the things that were happening in my life; in my
mind; in my heart; but somehow, I couldn’t get myself into writing it. The
possible reason which I can think of for this anomaly is that maybe I have
started trusting people. For quite some time, I have been sharing my thoughts
and feelings with people around me; thoughts that accumulate inside me and
which, previously, were expressed by me through my blog. After all, we humans
need to express our emotions and thoughts. If these are not expressed, then
like an unhealed abandoned wound, they accrue inside us. And slowly and
gradually, they start destroying our lives and the lives of other people. Personally,
I feel I have opened up a bit. Earlier, I used to confine my thoughts just to
myself. Now I share most of it with the people close to me. But still, some of
these are left un-expressed; they can’t be expressed in words or in writing.
They can only be felt.
I am a very bad liar. I cannot carry a lie for a long period
of time. If I try so, then it can easily be caught. If someone asks me
something, I always prefer to answer honestly. Sometimes, if I don’t want to
answer, I try to avoid it by saying something stupid or idiotic, or even come
up with a lame excuse. At this point, I don’t care if the other person doubts
my mental capacity or not, but at least I have saved myself in one way. People
say my face is a reflection of my feelings. If I feel bad about something, then
the other person can easily see it on my face. I am a bit naïve in this sense,
therefore I try to overcome this modestly with a smile.
I am not an emotional person, but I am sensitive. This
coldness makes it hard for me to express love. I love my parents a lot. I am
grateful to them for the good education they have provided me against all odds.
I want to give them equal happiness and comfort. I love my sisters and brother.
I love them for the affection and care that they have always given me. I love
my nephews and nieces. The smiles on their faces make my heart happy. I always
want to be surrounded by my family. It makes me feel safe and carefree.
I never understood what life was. I am still disillusioned
about the purpose of life. The 16 years of education didn’t teach me what life
is, or at least I couldn’t understand it properly if it had. Why is there so
much classification of humans when the basic necessities of life for everyone
are the same? Why do we classify humans on the basis of their race, ethnicity,
religion, country, monetary status, physical outlook, intelligence, education,
family? Why don't we obey what the Prophet (peace be upon him) has asked us to
do? "All mankind is from Adam and Eve. An Arab has no superiority over a
non-Arab, nor a non-Arab has any superiority over an Arab; also, a white has no
superiority over a black, nor does a black have any superiority over a white,
except by piety and good action."
I am worried about the future. I tried not to think about it,
but I couldn’t help myself. The crisis through which our country is going
through worries me. Lawlessness, insecurity, inflation, poverty, and
frustration make me depressed at times. I am hurt when I see little children
doing laborious tasks to earn money. It makes me sad when I see the contrast of
situations. Some people spend so much money on one meal that it is equal to the
monthly expenses of one whole family. People are becoming more materialistic
and greedy day by day. I don’t know what future we are going to give to our
children. Maybe they are facing the worse. But I pray they have the best of
all. I pray my country will become safe and sound. I pray my country becomes
prosperous and an ideal place to live in the whole world. InshaAllah.
